Just a short travel day today—60 miles from Phoenix to Rio Verde. It was a nice Sunday drive through Phoenix and adjacent areas, then into the hills for more of the beautiful countryside.

 

--Larry Spears [Sunday, Jan. 17, 2010]

It was 31 years ago today that Beth and I were married—January 17, 1979. We had met at DePauw University in 1977, and then moved out to Philadelphia together immediately following graduation/commencement. We decided to get married and did so at Philadelphia’s City Hall. Afterwards, we had lunch at the Magic Pan Restaurant (remember that restaurant chain that specialized in crepes?). We had almost no money, and so our honeymoon was a day trip that we made to Washington, D.C., then a late-night train back home.

This is the first time that we have not been together on our anniversary. I sent a dozen red roses which arrived Friday afternoon at Beth’s office at the Christian Theological Seminary in Indianapolis. Beth sent me a couple of pictures of them on her cell phone.

Our first son, James, was born in Philadelphia in 1987. Our second son, Matthew, was born in Indiana in 1990.

I have always loved both reading and writing. I started writing when I was about 10 years old, and I published my first article in my high school newspaper when I was 14. James published an article when he was 19, and Matthew did so when he was 17.

Beth has probably read more books in her lifetime than James, Matthew, and I combined; and, she has also written extensively in notebooks over the years—her own form of journaling—as a means of self-expression and personal understanding. However, until recently she had never sought to publish anything.

Earlier this month, a nursing journal published a remembrance that Beth had written about her mother, who passed away last year. I invite you to read her article by clicking here.

--Larry Spears [Sunday, Jan. 17, 2010]

On Sunday morning Victoria Crawford came over for a visit. Victoria is founder of Way of Discovery (www.wayofdiscovery.com) a coaching and consulting company dedicated to helping to build trust and realizing potential. She is also the author of The Art & Practice of Trust: Finding Your Way Through Uncertainty, Change & Transition (Way of Discovery Press, 2009).

Victoria is also a longtime, certified yoga instructor who sees strong links between body-mind-spirit. She brings a unified-quadrant approach to her work and in her book through the understanding and practice of: Willingness, Awareness, Discernment, and Action. It was great to reconnect with her.

--Larry Spears [Sunday, Jan. 17, 2010]

An interview with Jamie and Maren Showkeir, authors of Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment (Berrett-Koehler, 2008, ISBN 978-1-57675-595-2)

Larry Spears: What prompted you to write your book?

Jamie Showkeir: Joel Henning and I had worked for seven years on many of the ideas that are in the book. After Joel died, I met Maren, a journalist by profession, and asked if she would like to write the book with me.

Maren Showkeir: I also saw the material as an articulation of the way in which people can communicate around the way those things get done with purpose and meaning at work.

Jamie Showkeir: Maren and I started to go through the material in 2005, and we fell in love and got married. In March of 2007 we went away and over the course of eight days we wrote the Introduction and 11 chapters of the book.

Maren Showkeir: It was almost a magical process.

LS: Would you talk about some of the important themes in your book?

MS: One has to do with Accountability. The idea of holding others accountable is a myth. People make choices about whether they will be accountable or not. Everyone chooses commitment, compliance or the appearance of compliance. This is inescapable. Trying to hold others accountable is a complete waste of time.

JS: Another theme has to do with Caretaking, which essentially involves trying to take responsibility for how others feel. Saying things like, “Don’t worry do your job, things will work out.” “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will be able to find another job soon.” Caretaking is one of the most potent ways that an organizational culture becomes stuck in a parent-child relationship. Another downside of Caretaking is it sends others the message that they are off the hook for resolving their part in the difficulties.

JS: Dealing with disappointment is another theme in the book. The question of what choices people make in an organization when things aren’t going well is important. Sometimes we choose to feel hopeless in the face of disappointment. Or we may decide to act like a bystander and to watch what happens without trying to help. While we struggle with the difficulty of this choice too, it is always possible and helpful in all ways. We believe it is better to choose hope, optimism, and commitment.

LS: Why do you think we often have difficulty having authentic conversations?

MS: Two reasons come to mind: One is compassion—not wanting to hurt someone. A second reason involves the seeking of power and the fear of losing power. Giving away information is giving away power (or it can be seen that way). Part of the purpose of the book is to make visible the things that go on in ordinary conversations that collude with our compassion and power issues in an unhelpful way.

JS: I agree with that, and I would add, a lot of life can be spent thinking about gaining advantage. This comes from s scarcity vs. abundance problem and it leads to all kinds of inauthentic conversations. It leads to manipulation.

LS: Robert Greenleaf talked about the differences between persuasion, manipulation, and coercion. What are your thoughts about Greenleaf?

JS: Authentic conversation is certainly linked to Greenleaf’s ideas on persuasion. Authenticity is embedded throughout his writings.

MS: It is impossible to be a servant-leader without being authentic with others. It is all about serving and helping people to grow. It is about the best test of servant-leadership.

LS: What can individuals do to engage in authentic conversations?

MS: It starts with intention. Organizations need to see as valuable the importance of spending time to reflect upon who we want to be as a company and as individuals. That is a really intentional journey.

JS: There is a list of commitments and skills in the books that we believe are helpful. Commitments are intentions. Committing to recognizing other people as free and accountable challenges the underlying thinking in organizations, which changes what we say and do. We can also ask ourselves whether we want to create internal competition or collaboration. Changing practices like current performance appraisals that create competition and breed a lack of willingness to share, to reach out to others.

LS: How do you make it safer to have authentic conversations?

JS: First we each make decisions about what we view as “safe”. I can’t make things safe for you, though I can make things unsafe. The best an individual can do is engage with goodwill and authenticity and acknowledge my contribution to the situation at hand. Freire’s, The Pedagogy of the Oppressed speaks to how individuals and groups collude with a system that is designed to make things unsafe.

LS: Do you think we are making progress in creating healthier workplaces?

JS: Frederick Winslow Taylor and scientific management created today’s challenging workplace. Study after study shows that the vast majority of the people want to make an contribution in the workplace, but Taylor didn’t believe this and the vestiges of that system are alive and well.

MS: Some have taken Taylor’s models and made them kinder and gentler, but they are still using it. However, there are others who are using servant-leadership and other sorts of things, and I am optimistic about this.

JS: I’m optimistic and hopeful that we are moving in the right direction, but the pace frustrates me. I continue to see the same issues I’ve been working on for the last 20+ years. In some places teams work together, but evaluations are still done individually. Or look at the banks that were bailed out and are giving huge bonuses today and it is clear that Taylorism is alive and well.

LS: Is there anything else that you would like to share in closing?

MS: Recently a client thanked us for not making it sound like this work is easy to do. We say forthrightly that we struggle everyday. It’s hard, but we keep trying. Every inch forward is important. It’s a journey, and we don’t get to cross the finish line.

JS: There is no magic dust or silver bullet out there. Commitment makes a difference.

--Larry Spears [Saturday, Jan. 16, 2010]

Happy not to have any long drives for a day or two. Happier still to be staying with friends, Jamie and Maren Showkeir in their lovely Phoenix home.

I first met Jamie Showkeir some 15 years ago. Over the years, we have done several servant-leadership presentations together, which I have enjoyed. Five years ago Jamie met and married his wife Maren, who is a journalist by profession. They are a wonderful couple, and they have written together a great book that was recently published by Berrett-Koehler titled, Authentic Conversations.

Saturday night, I was also happy to have dinner with another good friend, Jeff McCollum. Jeff and I first met in 1991, when I had visited with him at the AT&T Consumer Products Division offices in New Jersey, and where I had learned that they had recently renamed their conference room after Robert Greenleaf. Jeff eventually served for many years on the Greenleaf Center board and was a great asset. For nearly 20 years Jeff has written dozens of superb reviews of servant-leadership books. He has also written several essays that I have included in the servant-leader anthologies that I have edited, including an outstanding piece (written with Joel Moses) on Greenleaf’s involvement with the Assessment Method, set to appear in the next servant-leadership anthology (The Spirit of Servant-Leadership; Shann Ferch and Larry Spears, Editors; forthcoming from Paulist Press). I was glad to meet Jeff’s wife, Jennifer, for the first time.

--Larry Spears [Saturday, Jan. 16, 2010]

Another cold start to the morning. I am taking a few days off from Route 66 in order to visit with a number of friends in the Greater Phoenix area this weekend.

 

I took I-17 south for much of the way from Flagstaff to Phoenix. It was notable for the long and steep grade in a number of places. I started out this morning at an altitude of between 7,000-8,000 feet. As the miles passed, and as I travelled mostly downhill, signs counted off the drop in altitude (7,000 feet, 6,000 feet, 5,000 feet, 4,000 feet, 3,000 feet).

The scenery continued to be most spectacular, with steep red cliffs and, here and there, what appeared to be large and oddly-shaped boulders stacked on top of one another.

As I drove past Sedona, I was reminded of my first visit there nearly a decade ago, to attend a servant-leadership gathering. I recalled the Ginny Duncan Gilmore and Deborah Vogel-Welch had been among those who were there. I also recalled seeing a magnificent sight involving the full moon rising over the red hills of Sedona.

I also drove past a sign for Prescott, Arizona and was reminded that it had been a poorly-received speaking engagement at Prescott College that had helped to trigger Bob Greenleaf’s coining of the term, servant-leadership. It was the late 1960s, and Bob’s presentation was met with resistance and cynicism. On the trip home he reflected upon what had occurred, and how traditional leadership approaches had served to alienate young people. With his visit to Prescott College in mind, and his thinking about the Hermann Hesse book, Journey to the East, Greenleaf was soon to write his thoughts in the classic essay, The Servant as Leader.

--Larry Spears [Friday, Jan. 15, 2010]